Can somebody have a life crisis at just 26 years old?

Long story short, back in my hometown I’ve never felt like I belonged there. I’ve always felt like something was missing, probably it was the fact that I’ve never truly done something for myself and myself only.

Then I decided to run away from those responsibilities and problems that a 20 years old can have and I moved to another country, where the language was a bigger barrier that I thought it would be. Even if English as always been my favourite subject back in high school (and the only year of university that I did), I was used to American accent (because of movies and tv shows) not about British accent. (Very big difference)
Anyway I overcome that language barrier and I made some of the best friends that I could ever met. Some of them I lost them in time, others stick around longer.
But the thing is, I was 21 and I felt like I was living! Even through heartbreaks and fights, through tick and thin, I had the best time of my life till I was 23. That year I felt like my all world went through a big black hole and it took me longer than I thought to recover. But I did.

Then I focus all my energy in a work that, at the end, consumed me and made me become somebody I wasn’t. So I had to change that. 

During that time, while I was trying to recover, I tried to focus on my future (I was 24 back then) and I saw all my dream shuttering down in small pieces that still, til now, I couldn’t/can’t recover.

My only big dream is secure in a locker of my mind and I have no idea where I put the key.
But now I am 26 and after almost 5 years that I took that big jump in my life, I feel like I have no clue what my life should be. 
And I know mainly the problem is that I’ve abandoned my big dream, plus you see all those people that you grew with, that seems to have life figure out somehow, or at least they have SOMETHING!!! 
And I am well aware that if you want something for yourself, you have to work your ass off. 

I do know that.

Trust me, I do more than a lot of people think.

But how do you come back to want to pursue a dream when you are closer to 30 and people will think that you will have your life figure out by then? I mean, I know in 4 year a lot can change. I believe in a minute a lot can change.

But at the end of the day, I am at a loss.

So I have to promise to myself that I don’t have to wait “the new year” that something can change now, right?
So my question is: is it possible to have a mid-mid-life crisis?

Francesca

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Script: Bus Scene

So let me give a bit of introduction to this: a few years ago, I took a Director’s course and we had a class about scripts and how to write them right etc. I left the class and I was straight away inspired, I wanted to write about something that I had in my mind for a long time and that I thought if I would have written it down, it would have changed the way I was feeling. So, this is called “Bus scene”, I would love to hear comments about it since it’s kinda personal and if you more or less wanna know what happened before this scene and after, maybe I’ll find the right inspiration to continue to write my story.

So well, hope you’ll like it. I remind you that NO ONE ever read this.

Out. Bus station. Late night.

Joy is with her two friends Sophie and Laurel waiting for the bus to come up. Even if she waited for Ben to leave, she finds him at the stations with another girl, so she hides behind the seats so that he won’t see her and her friends are with her.

JOY

Let’s stay here till he’ll get the bus.

Sophie nod. Joy can’t stop looking at him.

SOPHIE

if you keep staring he will notice you.

Joy looked at Sophie furious about him, at the same time their bus approaches the station so they move forward to get it but the bus doesn’t stop and keeps straight.

Ben notice them and smile to Joy. She smiles back.

BEN

Missed it.

JOY

Yeah.

Then she moves to the seats and she sits down, Laurel and Sophie follow her. While she keeps staring him, Joy decides that it was the moment to approach him about their situation.

JOY

I am gonna talk to him

SOPHIE

Do whatever you feel to do, but you can’t keep wondering.

Joy looks at Sophie and then stands up.

LAUREL

Sit down. Don’t waste your breath. He’s not worth it.

Joy sits down again.

SOPHIE

She has to do it, she can’t keep going like this. And he is not gonna talk.

Joy stands up again. Laurel give her a bad look and then turn to look at the street. Joy, feeling brave, approaches Ben and interrupts a conversation with the blonde girl.

JOY

Ben, can I talk to you one second?

Ben gives her a caring look and nod.

BEN

Yes, of course.

They move next to the pub, that it was close at that time, behind the bus station. Joy takes a deep breathe and look directly at his eyes.

JOY

You know what do I wanna talk about?

Ben smile becomes concern

BEN

Yeah, I can imagine.

JOY

You know. [she pause] you know how I feel about you. You know. And you make me believe that you feel the same, but I need to be sure about it because you are not doing anything and I can’t wait forever. Do you feel something more?

Ben gives her a sad look

BEN

No- I do care about you but we are just friends. Nothing more.

Joy is hurt but she doesn’t wanna show to him

JOY

I understand.

BEN

I don’t wanna lose you a friend. I really care about you but not in that way.

JOY

Why didn’t you tell me before? Before you mad me believe-before people made me believe..

BEN

Which people?

JOY

Our group, people in the pub.

Joy is still putting a mask to not show him.

BEN

I – I don’t know what to say. I didn’t wanna talk because I was scared to lose you. You are one of my best friends here in London.

Ben looks at her really sad, so she keeps her mask and hugs him.

JOY

It’s fine. You won’t lose me. You are one my best friend too.

BEN

I don’t wanna hurt you.

JOY

Don’t worry about that. I am kinda used to.

Ben smiles and hugs her. She pulls off.

BEN

Are we okay?

Joy nods

JOY

I have to go now. See you tomorrow.

She starts to walk and go back to her friends

BEN

Please don’t hate me, Joy.

She turns to him and fake a smile

JOY

It’s impossible for me to hate you.

She goes back to Sophie and Laurel and sits next to them.

SOPHIE

How did it go?

Joy looks at her and smile while she is trying not to cry

JOY

Let’s go home.

Ben goes back to his friend and turns and smiles at her while his bus is approaching.

Int JOY’S APARTMENT. Late night.

SOPHIE open the door. Joy and Sophie enter.

SOPHIE

You were really brave

JOY in her mind thinks that brave didn’t bring her anywhere. She nods to Sophie. She goes to her room and sits on the bed. She wanted to be alone but her other two flatmates follow her. Brooke and Sam. Both brunette, tall and pretty girls. 20-something years old.

BROOKE

Hey, what happened?

JOY

What always happens.

Sophie looked at Joy and then Brooke

SOPHIE

She talked to Ben

SAM

What did he say?

JOY

That we are just friends. Joy the girl that will always be friendzone.

SOPHIE

Joy!

JOY

That’s fine. I am used to right. Every time I like a guy he doesn’t like me back. It’s always the same old story. I will probably always be alone. I am not meant to be with anyone.

SAM

don’t be so hard on yourself.

BROOKE

He is a dickhead. That’s what he is. He always showed something more and now he says that you are friends. He is an idiot.

Joy smiles a bit.

20 things about me

Hello beautiful people,

last week I was tagged by a friend of mine on Instagram with “20 things about you” well, that’s self-explanatory.
So these are my 20 things:

1- I am a nerd 100%

2- I smile even when I am feeling awful

3- I don’t care about people but at the same time I would give a kidney to one of my friends if they will ask me

4- my favourite colour is Black! Like, my soul 😂

5- I am really shy even if it doesn’t seem like

6- Everybody thinks that Taylor Swift is my favourite singer in the whole world (and you are #2 Tay) but actually my favourite singer is Bethany Joy Lenz

7- I went to a concert alone and it was great

8- I’ve decided that this year I will face all the problems that I didn’t face in the past 1 year and half

9- “A walk to remember” is my favourite movie and book

10- I am trying to write a book since three years but still need to finish the first chapter

11- my favourite tv shows of all time are: One Tree Hill, Buffy TVS, Charmed, The OC, Smallville and Gilmore Girls

12- I own a lot of box sets

13- I love photography, graphic and I used to make videos a lot! Like 3 per weeks or two per day and I miss it so much

14- 2014 is known for being one of my worst years ever and if it wasn’t for the song “All too well” by Taylor Swift, I don’t know where I’ll be now

15- I’ve been an independent person for more than 10+ years and I feel like I don’t need anyone

16- I am a cat person (I love dogs too) and I miss my cat a lot

17- I have already a friend that I can call “old friend” since we know each other since we were 11. And we talk to each other every day, it’s like crazy lol it’s been 4 years that I left my hometown and still we talk EVERY FREAKING  DAY lol Love  you Ele.

18- I wanna make 2017 MY YEAR!

19- I’ve been single for a long time 😅still not feeling the need of having that person

20- I feel like I have to post something similar to what Megan posted, I did go through depression a few times and when I was 18/19 I went to a therapist for a few months. Still having anxiety on a regular basis but you gotta keep going, don’t you? 😉

So now I tag all the people that will see this post.

Have fun,

Francesca

THEPERKSOFTRAVELLING: Week 2

And I am on time this week YAYAYAYAY… giphy

Simg_7326o this week didn’t start off well, I got really stressed on Mondayimg_7337 at work that I had a cider in the night and though that my life has got to a point where I am tired of the drama that people brings on a daily basis in my life. Plus, winter is here in London, the temperature dropped completely to 4 degrees.

Then on Tuesday I took a bus to get to Oxford Street but theimg_7356 traffic was INSANE, so I got to Trafalgar Square and I walked, in the rain, till Oxford Street, passing by Leicester Square, Piccadilly Circus and Regent Street. It was cold but I needed to take a walk and clear my head.

img_7376On Wednesday, after a few days of lovely fog, London was sunny
but it was FREEEEEZZZZZINNGGGGG!!! And I did a lovely 10 hrs at work because CHRISTMAS ARRIVED IN STARBUCKS. So we needed to set up and I had to go to other stores and carry heavy stuff.

What I can tell you is that the day after, I could have barely move my leg. It was hurting like hell, see when you stop going to gym?

The weekend was nice, I focused on cleaning the house and img_7489cooking and I watched one of my fav movie: New Year’s Eve. It’s a tradition of mine when the end of the year is coming up, I like to watch this movie. It always reminds me of what I achieved and what I didn’t. Plus, I love the soundtrack of the movie.

img_7391Another thing is that on Saturday, it was Bonfire Night and when you live on the 10th floor of a building you can see a lot of fireworks.

 

And this was my week, finishing on today, working.

See you next Sunday,

Francesca

P.S.: I focused a lot on cooking this week, I made a lot of nice food.

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Special Edition: 4 years in London

On the 15th October of 2012, I’ve taken a plane without knowing what I’d expect from my life after I’d have landed. Well, here I am after 4 years thinking about which good things happened to me, while in the meantime, people that surround me, seems to have it all figure it out.

The first year: I gave my heart to someone without thinking about any consequences. And even if that person wasn’t feeling the same way towards me, still I don’t regret it. Cause it made me feel alive more than I’ve ever been. And I met friends that would stay with me forever, I know if I need them they’ll be there and vice-versa

The second year: I fell in love, or at least I think I was. I had my first boyfriend for two long months where we were seeing each other every day. So it seemed more than 2 months. I thought I had everything that I needed in life.

The third year: I had my first really bad heartbreak following depression. Because one bad thing was happening after another one, it was like a chain. And you know when they say “you truly know who your good friends are when you need them the most”? Well, that’s so true. That year I’ve lost friends and myself. And at the same time, I found myself and got back together and started a new life.

Fourth year: God, focusing on myself too much made me close myself into a little FraBubble. Nobody pop it yet, I’ve been trying from inside to pop it but..nope. And they’ve been trying from outside but..nope.

I guess when you see all your friends that seem to have it figure out it’s a bit hard to you. Or just that they don’t take life so seriously.

Let’s do a pro/con list (like Rory Gilmore would do) :

PRO:

  • I was 21 and I left my family to go live by myself
  • I can provide food and shoes to myself
  • I can do all different jobs and pretty good most of the time
  • People still come to me for pieces of advice
  • My parents seem to be proud of me
  • I’ve made so many friends from all around the world
  • I’ve had my first boyfriend (YES late bloomer whatever)
  • I’ve had more experience that I could have done if I’d have stayed
  • I am and independent woman that doesn’t need to depend on anyone
  • I make my own decisions and take risks when I know I have to
  • I’ve tried more than anything to be close to my family and friends when I had to
  • I am honest, way too honest and I learned that sometimes people don’t take that honesty.
  • I’ve fulfilled some of my biggest dreams: meet OTH cast, see Taylor Swift live, go to LA.
  • I’ve grown up more than I’d thought I would
  • Cherish the friendship that latest all 4 years and growth every year more

CON:

  • I feel like I’ve lost more than I gained
  • I’ve got into depression twice
  • I felt like shit about myself because of the voices outside (people) and inside my head
  • I’ve closed myself in a little bubble that’s really comforting and nobody can get in
  • No love of my life
  • No job of my life
  • No life at all, living like a granny (sleep 21:30 wake up 4:30)
  • Feeling lonely sometimes
  • Feeling like no one understands what I am going through
  • Losing myself
  • BAD LUCK

At the end, I guess I’d have to focus more on the journey rather than on the end of it or how it started.

Things to do when you’re having a sh–y day.. evening version!

  1. Put a good movie
  2. Pour a glass of wine
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  3. Have a nice healthy dinner (don’t stuff yourself with pizza, even if delicious! You’ll feel bad the morning after)
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  4. And just switch off your mind that goes spinning like a helicopter (?)
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    Sorry for all the Brooke Davis pictures but who can’t relate to her? (The rest of the pic are mine! So if you take them, let me know!)

    Best,
    Francesca

Things to do when you’re having a sh–y day..afternoon version

  1. TAKE YOUR PHONE AND PUT THE HEADPHONES ON
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  2. TALK TO THAT PERSON THAT YOU KNOW WILL CLEAR YOUR HEAD OR PUT THAT SONG IN REPEAT THAT YOU KNOW WILL CLEAR YOUR HEAD
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  3. TAKE ONE HOUR LONG WALK, PREFERABLY NEXT TO A PARK OR LAKE OR SEA
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  4. CRY YOUR EYES OUT IF YOU CAN
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  5. AND THEN (UNFORTUNATELY) YOU GOTTA SUCK IT UP. CAUSE LIFE IS LIKE BEING IN A CONTINUOUS SCARY ROLLERCOASTER THAT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT AND THEN GOOD.
    FullSizeRender 4.jpgThere you go, after that, you’ll still feel like sh-t but the day after everything will start to seem better!Best,
    Francesca