I’ve been told that I need to love myself more. I’ve been repeated from people, billion of times, that I am worth more of what I think I really am worth. And maybe that’s true but how do I even know how to start to love myself. How should it work? Shall I just focus on what I do good and don’t focus on what I do bad? On the things that I achieve rather than the ones that I fail in?
This is what I was writing about it in this kind of journal that I have, after I’ve noticed that I didn’t write since February, I’ve taken a pen and started to write feelings out because I was feeling bad after a few weird days and words started to flow and from one page I wrote three full pages and from one subject to another, I ended up to talk about how I don’t know what should I do to love myself. Is this sad? Yes, I know. I’ve spent so much time disliking everything about me, from my body to my mind, from my weakness to my strength that I don’t remember when it was last time that I actually said to myself “hey you are cool”.
I always put others before me and this is what I am, I prefer others happiness rather than mine. If my friends and family are happy I don’t mind if I am depressed and hate myself. “Hate” is a big word. I don’t know if I really do hate myself, but for sure I am not happy but why? That’s what I wonder and I have a long list of reasons. I won’t bother you with those.
So what are the steps of starting to love yourself? Repeating in the mirror “you’re fabulous?”. (well I won’t do that)
We live in the era of social media and trust me I hate it, as much as I use it like a crazy person, I HATE IT. I’ve been thinking to get rid of all of them and I might be crazy enough to do it one of these days because at the end of the day we all scroll through other people’s fictional life (nobody posts their real life) and we all think what we are doing wrong with ours.
I’ve searched on Google, how to learn to love yourself, I am not ashamed of it, I need to start somehow but honestly, it doesn’t help does it? Most of the points are “eliminate negative thoughts”, well if it was that easy I won’t be looking on the internet, won’t I?
So, for whoever is reading this blog, I know I’ve been gone for a long time, please share your stories and tell me. I am willing to learn because things need to change around here and I hope this will help someone else who feels stuck like I do.
Sophia Bush said this past weekend “Self-love is not selfish”, well that’s a lesson that I need to learn for sure.