You know that feeling when you start to like someone that doesn’t even know who you are and you are too shy or actually afraid to ask him or her anything?
Well, I am living it, again, now.
I like a guy that is a regular customer in the Starbucks where I work. I know his name, I know his drink, I know where he works and I know even his colleague name and drink. Yeah, it’s my job but I don’t remember all of them.
Btw I think the colleague knows that I like him. She looked at me more than once and smiled like “yes, I get it”.
All my colleagues and friends and family knows that I have a big crush on this guy. But still, while most of them tell me that I should be brave and say something, I just–can’t.
When I see him, I just get all blushy and I choke every time.
The fact is that I’ve been refused so many times in my entire life, let’s say every single time, that I just don’t do the first move if I am not 100% sure that the other part, feel in the same way. I am like this. I am scared of everything. I am afraid of nothing.
Nothing surprise me anymore. I am not going around waiting for something good to come. I am just doing the usual things, not living anymore.
I am 23 years old and I’ve almost give up on life. I am so young and I feel so old. I feel like my life is already done. And I don’t wanna waste time but still I do.
In the past 6 months, I’ve been in a dark place, like I’ve mentioned before in this blog. And you know, I though I couldn’t feel anything anymore. No happiness. No sadness. No anger. No love.
At work, I am always making fun of this situation, of this crush that I have. I call my supervisor at the phone just to say “I love him”. Like a joke.
But at the end, for me it’s like a light. It’s like, I can still feel something. I can still feel happiness.
Even if I see it just like a platonic think that would never happen (he is even older than me. But age doesn’t count right? lol). There is a part of me that is really hoping that he will actually see behind that green apron and ‘work face’ and maybe ask me out or start to talk to me.
Yeah, we actually don’t talk at all. He seems really shy and I am..well you get it. So we talk like normal things. Not even, we really don’t talk. I am like “hello nameoftheguy” not even “how are you”.. geez don’t know what to do.
having an impossible crush on somebody Francesca