Two years: but I still be standing

Today, it’s the annyversary of two years that I am in London. Two years that seems a lifetime to me.

I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I fell in love (twice) and I had a broken heart (twice).
I’ve met person that now I can’t imagine without in my life and I’ve lost people that I never thought would have left me.
I’ve learned how to deal a lost from far away and anyway being close to your family when they need you.
I’ve learned how to be close to my family, like I’ve never had done before.
I’ve learned how being alone it’s not a bad thing but it’s the best thing that could have happen to me. I’ve found a strenght that I never thought I had.

London has been and it is my best and worst experience.
I miss my family everyday but I still wouldn’t come back there.

Here I’ve learned how people judge you not only from how you look but even from who you hang out with, like you have to be like them, but I’ve learned even that there are people that when they know you, they don’t care who are your friends as long as you are there for them.

Especially last year, I said and I repeat that I think that 2014 was the worst year (or at least in the top 5 of the worst years of my life lol) but right now, in this moment, I can say that I am actually thankful to every single person that screwed up with me.
Because without them deciding to disappear from my life from one day to another, I won’t be here, feeling so confident in my self and in my decisions in my life. Yes, I am a cold hearted bitch, and I’ll probably will be for a long time but I’ve never said to myself “hey you know? You are not that ugly. You don’t have the perfect body or face or hair or whatever but you are strong and indipendent. And after what you’ve been throught all your life, you are still here. Yes, people left you because they couldn’t handle your character but think about the one that stayed, no matter what! The one that called you when you needed them. The one that were there even if you wanted to be alone and push them away.”

If you would have asked me two year ago where I would be now, I would had no clue but I would never thought that I’d be here, and with this new person that I am.
I am not perfect, I’d never think that I am, I’d never think that I am better than anybody. But I am freaking happy even if I am spending days alone. And feel lonely. I am still happy of what I am, and what I have achieved in the past years.
Next stop would be start to do something for what I really wanna do in my future!

My family believes in me, my friends believes in me and I have to believe in me. I can do it.

No London, I am still not leaving you.

Xoxo
“Francesca the Londoners”

“So many things
To do and say
But I can’t seem
To find my way
But I wanna know how
I know
I’m meant
For something else
But first
I gotta find myself
But I don’t know how to
Oh, why do
I reach for the stars
When I don’t have wings
To carry me that far?
I gotta have
Roots before branches
To know who I am
Before I know
Who I wanna be
And faith
To take chances
To live like I see
A place in this world
For me”

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4 thoughts on “Two years: but I still be standing

  1. faithiscrazy says:

    I would love to be able to find the same strength as you do.. you do not know what I would need at the moment, or what I would need in recent years.. to be able to overcome everything, despite everything, always with a smile on my face. To feel good about myself as I am and damn everything else.. I have the impression that I will never succeed.

    Like

    • hope says:

      Fede, trust me. You will reach that moment. That clarification of your life. I’ve reached it after I was really in a dark place. You will be like “hey, I am not the problem. Everybody else is. I am perfectly fine with myself. There is nothing wrong in me.” 🙂
      You will. I promise.

      Liked by 1 person

      • faithiscrazy says:

        Maybe I just need to hear me say it, I do not know. I hope very much that the day will come soon because I’m really tired of all the shit that’s in my life. Thanks anyway. 🙂

        Like

      • hope says:

        If I’ve learned something is that, the day that everything will seems right will be the day that you’ll decide that you are enough, that nothing is wrong with you, that the most important thing are the people that stick around not the ones that left. You are the boss of yourself, don’t wait for someone to change your mind for you. Because it’s never gonna happen!

        Liked by 1 person

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